Family by blood versus family by choice - which one is real? | Story Meets Reality

Family is an extremely diverse social unit, and while we might sometimes struggle to define exactly what family is, we all have our own unique understanding of it. I recently read a book called Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen, and I got mad inspired. Most importantly, the family dynamic in this book left me pondering over my own perception of family and how it has changed throughout the years. As someone who took family sociology as an elective, I think family will be such an intriguing subject for us to sink our teeth in. Specifically trying to comprehend the contradictory concepts such as family by blood versus family by choice, as well as discussing whether blood related family is more important.

What is family?

I have read through several textbooks and dictionaries, and they all seem to conclude that family is a unit that consists of parents and children. While this does not encompass the diverse nature of family, I considered doing more research and going down the theoretical and detailed path for this article. However, I decided to tell my story instead. I thought it would be more fun and relatable to narrate my own experience and understanding, as well as reiterating how I came to that conclusion. So, buckle up because we are about to go down a bumpy road of my bizarre mind.

 

Family by blood

I think we all have to agree that at some point in our lives we’ve heard of the phrase: blood is thicker than water. While in a literal manner it is definitely true, I have been wondering if it’s metaphoric meaning is a little too far-fetched. As a matter of fact, I have lived by this phrase my entire life. I recall the time where the dream of having a picture-perfect family was all I thought about. The kind of family that only exists in movies and books. The loyalty and family bond that just seemed so intangible, yet it was something I craved. It was all I read and wrote about. If I can’t have it in real life, I might as well write about it, right?

The thing is, I could never finish writing those books. I couldn’t relate. Most importantly, I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t have that in real life, and that led me to feeling detached from everybody else. I felt so amiss, and I was convinced that something was seriously wrong with me. It was why it seemed as if nobody wanted me. I now realize I was wrong though. I had somehow painted an unrealistic picture of what a family was supposed to be like.  The truth is, there is no such thing as a picture-perfect family. I am also starting to wonder that if blood is thicker than water, why is it we’re often surrounded by water, but blood is nowhere to be seen? What do you call the non-blood related people in your lives that have taken on the family roles and responsibilities? Are they still considered just friends, acquaintances, neighbours, or co-workers? Is DNA enough to make someone family? What exactly does it take for someone to be considered family? I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

Family by choice

I realized I spent so much time trying to track down and build relationships with people who were not there while I ignored the ones who were around. This was because the people who were around did not fit my flawed definition of family. Of course, there comes a time where you have to stop living in a perfect daydream and actually look around you. In fact, family is more than just blood. It is a continuous naturing of relationships (blood related or not). I have great blood related family members, and I also have awesome non-blood related people in my life who might as well be family too. There are many reasons why some blood related people cannot be in your life, but your true family is the people who choose you. The people who hold your hand when things are dark. They might judge you, but they stick around anyway. They fight with you and get angry at you, but they will never abandon you. It’s the kind of people who will help you look for that tiny crack of light when it’s too dark for you to see. They might not always see you through every stage of your life, but they support you in their own little ways. You know it is family when their presence feels like home. They frustrate you so much, but they also make you laugh. These people are not perfect, and they don’t always do the right things, but they are yours.

That’s my definition of family. What’s yours?